Here are some key questions and steps to take if you are considering a separation or divorce:
The top 10 questions that you should ask yourself:
1. Are you and your partner stuck in a pattern of poor conflict resolution that includes: yelling, name-calling, insults, threats of violence*, violence*, shutting down, walking away, and/or passive-aggressive reactions?
2. Are you and/or your partner feeling too distant to be vulnerable or share intimate details of your life with each other?
3. Has sexual contact stopped or significantly reduced?
4. Are you seeing signs of betrayal or cheating?
5. Are you seeking to have your emotional, social, physical, sexual needs met outside the relationship?
6. Are you leading separate lives?
7. Do you look for other things to do besides coming home?
8. Do you miss your partner when you haven’t seen them for a couple of days?
9. Have you suggested therapy to improve the relationship and your partner has resisted the idea?
10. Have you tried therapy and it did not lead to any significant changes or the changes didn’t make you feel any better about your partner or the relationship?
Top 5 things to consider if you think separating is the right decision for you and your relationship:
1. Rally in meaningful supports from family, friends or a therapist to help you make sure you ARE making the right decision and have people to turn to, to help you with the grief.
2. Know your rights as it pertains to finances, property, possessions and parenting. Consult a lawyer you trust.**
3. Dedicate yourself to a good self-care plan that protects your health.
4. Connect your children with psychological supports to ensure their emotional needs are addressed and the family can make the transition with minimal upheaval.
5. Take your time to get back on your feet and make the necessary accommodations in your life to simplify, pace, take appropriate control of, and recover from the major changes and stress that are common experiences with a divorce.
*If you or your children or in an unsafe situation, please consult the police and The Children’s Aid Society immediately.
**I can provide you with good recommendations.