Relationships can be joyful.
Relationships can be loving
Relationships connect us
Sometimes… relationships are:
Our relationships with our fathers are no different.
Historically, fathers were the sole breadwinners of the family. They often (not always) played a more distant role in parenting and mothers ‘held down the fort’. I believe this is changing. Socialization for males is evolving, and women have more rights, and this is altering the relationships with our fathers. Also, I have observed that as men from previous generations age, they allow themselves to become more vulnerable and so our relationship with them can deepen. This is good news!
“Every father should remember one day his son will follow his example, not his advice.”
– Charles Kettering
Our same-gender parent teaches us how to be.
Sons – How has your father taught you to be a man? How to express yourself? How to make decisions? How to resolve conflict? How to love? How to father? Do you want to strive to be like him, or do you want to show up differently in your life?
“A girl’s father is the first man in her life, and probably the most influential.”
– David Jeremiah
Daughters – How has the relationship with your father shaped your self-worth? How has the connection with him affected your vulnerability with men? Affected your choice of partners? Your friendships with men? Your relationships with your children? Is your connection with your father something to emulate with the men in your life or is there something you need to repair in order to optimize your connections?
If you ARE a father, are you doing your best to guide, connect, show interest, communicate with your children? If you are, then please, rejoice in your day, you deserve it! If not, then what do you need to close the gaps, fix the pain, be more involved? Your children are your mirrors into your soul, this is an opportunity to deal with your own inner conflicts and wounds to create a more fulfilling life for yourself and give your children the gift of unconditional love.
If you have lost your father, how will you grieve him?
…Every seventh wave in the ocean in higher. Waves of grief overwhelm us, send us spinning, we can’t breathe, can’t find the surface. So, we walk down the beach, sometimes we see the wave coming (Father’s Day) other times not, but when it hits, we need to remember that emotional pain usually builds, peaks and breaks, just like a wave. We need to find our breath and then connect with the story of our father’s; find gratitude, reflect on his story of where he came from and what shaped him to discover peace, acceptance, and forgiveness. Create tangible rituals or live by inspirational legacies to honour his memory.
Reach for support if you need guidance on how to manage the grief of a living father who let you down or a father who has passed on.
So, Happy Father’s Day, to the sons, and daughters and fathers!